Now many of you know House Dragon and James the Wise and I'm sure you've heard him say " Is that Water; You know What fish do in that stuff !" and while James likes to fool around ; I'd like to relate to some of you the best advice James ever gave to me . " Drink Three Glasses of Water before you go to bed !
Oh Yea Masses ; Listen to James for he
is Wise .
I could Give One tip Form House Dragon Members to House Dragon members
or anyone reading this missive ; It's "Drink Water Before you Sleep!".
Drinking mead without drinking water may Lead to disastrous effects , Like
waking up the next morning searching for your Dirk to remove your
intestines . Or smashing your head against a tree to make the pain go away
. Or wondering If You really ate that food last night !
The rest of this advice is freely given ( you know how much that is worth !) and drawn from both the experiences of James and myself and there fore may be less than reliable. But I'm sure you will find them amusing , so without further ado , I would like to relate some of this advice to you now .
Enjoy the event. Dance and Drum and drink and make a fool of yourself while you may ! Sample the myriad of drinks available for you to indulge in . Revel in the experience of Human desire for on Sunday the event ends. The Party will be over until the next moment we meet . But Fear not ! For we shall meet again .
not be attended , for it is the means of the political machine to draw
and control the masses . It is a colossal waste of time . Where you
will hear people drone on aimlessly . Where you will see the same members
get every possible award , while the people doing all the work are ignored
because of their "Low Cast" So if you have an announcement to make
or you have been dragged kicking and screaming from your camp , go to court
; if not remember the real reason you came to the event . To revel
, to party with wild abandon , to make a joyous noise .
For court can drag on for hours robbing you of the joy which all human souls crave. Besides , "If they want you , They'll come get you !"
Always pack Sunscreen ! For without Sunscreen Your Body begins to resemble a Broiled lobster . And while a lobster may be endearing to the palette the site of a burnt body is distressing to the eye and painful to the unwary victim. Believe me it is decidedly unpleasant to have someone screaming in a moment of passion " Don't Touch Me There !"
Drum until your Hands Bleed , Then Drum some more ! Remember Masochism is the root of all pleasure . Create and indulge ; for tomorrow we suffer ! Or even tonight ! Fear Not ! For these two shall heal !
Take Heed of Graeleaf's Motto "Shut Up and Drum"
Trust in James for he is Wise. ( I've heard that somewhere before :)
Remember Clan Nightwolfs Motto "Down with Fops".
Bring your mug. Your Mug is Your Friend ! Your mug is one of the most important pieces of your S.C.A. Gear. For without your mug ; you can not sample all the wonderful concoctions available at the House of Dragon .
Read the directions to the site . If the Directions are wrong ; Read them again ; and again ; and again . ( Curse profoundly at the person writing the directions ) [ Turn the map over and hope it looks right.] Realize you are on the wrong road . Realize you are looking at a forest service survey of a goat trail . Realize the person drawing the map was insane . Look for last known town. Hope someone knows where the site is .
Load your trailer for war and pray it doesn't
pass the truck on the way. If your trailer does pass you on the way ; "Pray"
If you find yourself in a ditch in eight foot of snow ; "Pray" If you see
a eighteen wheeler sliding down the pass at you and no where to go 'Back
The Trucks Up !!!" ( Bet you thought I was going to say "Pray") [This ain't
no religious announcement folks !]
Don't jump over the fire; Don't play in the Fire ; and most importantly ; Don't Piss in the fire ; for you may need that "Tool" later and we have all been drinking and cannot drive you to the hospital. (Besides we'll be too busy laughing !)
Don't waste Mead, For as all good Irish men will tell you ; Every drop of alcohol you have ever spilt will be gathered together in a barrel at your judgment day and if you can drink your way out of the barrel you go to heaven and if not the rest of us will be sorely disappointed in you .
Never Leave Mead in Your Cup ; for that is Mead that the rest of us could have drank !
Always keep up ! We Haven't time to go back ; and we're all ready for a new flavor ! .
Never Drink the last bottle of Mead , unless you do it with friends.
Never get arrested in a Kilt . Being "Regimental" just serves to excite the inmates ; who are already in trouble for much more serious crimes , and would love to get their just desserts .
Take the advice of one who is Wise and one who is becoming ; ignore the fish and Drink Water !
Inspired and created by Niall Logan
Co-authored , Augmented and edited by James the Wise
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